Your kid wanted a pen pal so badly.
The letter finally comes. They rip it open. Read the whole thing. Probably read it again.
Then you hand them a blank piece of paper to write back and suddenly—
“I don’t know what to say.” 😂
Completely normal.
Writing to a pen pal can feel harder than talking to a friend because there’s a blank page sitting there waiting for you to fill it. But a good pen pal letter doesn’t need to be long, impressive, or perfectly written.
It just needs to give the other kid something to know about you and something to write back about.
And there’s a really easy way to do that.
The easiest pen pal letter trick: Share → Ask → Add
When your kid gets stuck, give them three little jobs:
Tell them one little thing about your life.
Ask one question connected to it.
Add a drawing, joke, tiny story, sticker, or one more detail.
For example:
“We found a frog by our house yesterday. Do you have frogs where you live? I drew ours for you.”
That’s it. That’s a pen pal letter.
The best questions are specific enough that they’re easy to answer, and the best letters mix questions with little stories and details.
If your kid needs a little help getting started, here are 50 things they can ask, tell, share, or send.
10 easy questions for a new pen pal
- What’s your favorite thing to do outside?
- Do you have any pets?
- What’s your favorite thing to eat?
- What book are you reading right now?
- What’s your favorite game?
- Do you have brothers or sisters?
- What’s something you’re really good at?
- What’s your favorite holiday?
- What do you like to do after school?
- What’s your favorite thing about where you live?
10 questions that get more interesting answers
- What made you laugh really hard this week?
- What’s something you know a LOT about?
- What’s the best thing you’ve ever built or made?
- If I visited you for one day, what would we do?
- What’s something you want to learn how to do?
- What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever tried?
- What’s something your family does that you love?
- What’s your favorite place you’ve ever been?
- What’s something you used to be scared of but aren’t anymore?
- What’s the best thing that’s happened this month?
10 things kids can tell their pen pal
- Something funny that happened this week.
- What you’re learning about right now.
- A book you can’t stop talking about.
- Something you built, drew, cooked, found, or made.
- What the weather is like where you live.
- Something you’re looking forward to.
- A family tradition you love.
- Something difficult you finally figured out.
- Your current obsession.
- One completely ordinary thing about your day.
← That last one counts. Kids don’t need exciting lives to write interesting letters. The ordinary stuff is often what makes two people actually get to know each other.
10 silly questions
- Would you rather have a pet dragon or a pet dinosaur?
- If you could invent a new holiday, what would everyone have to do?
- Would you rather live in a treehouse or on a boat?
- If animals could talk, which one would be the rudest?
- What would you name a pet snail?
- If you could eat only one breakfast for a week, what would you pick?
- Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater?
- If you owned a store, what would you sell?
- What three things would you bring to the moon?
- If you could make one ridiculous new rule everyone had to follow, what would it be?
10 ideas once you’ve been writing for a while
- Ask what happened with something they mentioned in their last letter.
- Give them an update on something you previously told them about.
- Compare the weather where you both live.
- Recommend a book.
- Teach them something you recently learned.
- Send them a challenge to complete before the next letter.
- Ask them to draw something for you.
- Start a story and ask them to continue it.
- Invent a question you both answer in every letter.
- Ask what they want to know about you next.
One thing I wouldn’t do: turn the letter into an interview
It’s really tempting to hand your kid this list and say:
Great! Pick ten!
Don’t. 😂
Imagine receiving:
What’s your favorite food?
Do you have a dog?
What’s your favorite color?
What’s your favorite sport?
What’s your favorite book?
That’s not a letter.
That’s paperwork.
They said → I say → I ask
They said:
I say + I ask:
They remembered. They shared. They asked. That’s a conversation.
And that’s ultimately what we’re trying to help kids build—not perfect handwriting or perfectly punctuated paragraphs, but the habit of paying attention to another person and giving them something worth answering.
The best question usually isn’t the cleverest one. It’s the one you actually want to know the answer to.
What can kids put in a pen pal letter besides a letter?
The envelope can be part of the fun too.
- a drawing or mini comic
- a sticker
- a homemade bookmark
- a joke
- a paper game
- a postcard
- a tiny “would you rather?” card
- a handmade puzzle
- a list of current favorites
- a little piece of artwork
Just keep privacy and mailing rules in mind, especially when sending personal information, photos, natural materials, or international mail.
“I don’t know what to write!” Pen Pal Cheat Sheet
A one-page Share → Ask → Add helper kids can keep beside them on letter day.
↓ Download the free cheat sheet
And if your kid still says “I don’t know what to write”?
Make the goal smaller.
One thing I did.
One thing I want to know.
One little extra.
That’s enough.
Because the point of a pen pal letter isn’t to produce a beautiful piece of writing.
It’s to give another kid something to write back to.
And eventually something pretty great starts happening:
Your child doesn’t need you standing over their shoulder asking what they should write anymore. They already know.
Because there’s a person on the other side of the envelope they actually want to tell.
Don’t have someone to write to yet?
MailDay matches kids based on age, interests and fit, with every pairing reviewed and approved by a real person.
